Breathing life into a flat sci-fi romance

This post is a deep-dive into the revision process for It Starts With A Kiss. For just the highlights, check out the “Behind The Rewrite” edition on Shortcuts For Writers.

I hate first drafting. I really do. As cathartic as it is to get a story onto the page, it can be so disheartening to read through chapters of rough dreck, knowing that’s what you’ve got to show for hours of slaving over a hot keyboard.

That said, I love having a first draft. And while revising can be tedious at times, this is the stage where you get to really put your knowledge into practice.

To date, my most popular book, It Starts With A Kiss (“Kiss”), is the one I enjoyed drafting the least. Before revision, it was flat and vapid; the draft seemed to suck the life out of the story I wanted to tell. It took four rounds of reboots and rewrites to turn it into a piece of work I was comfortable sending out.

Oh, gosh, my rewrites… Let me show you them.

1. Shaping realistic characters

Hot take: people are inconsistent. While usually predictable, they can still surprise you with unexpected decisions. And they’re not perfect. Sometimes the archetypal Innocent develops a nasty streak to keep their fears at bay. Sometimes the Rebel is so obsessed with being unique, they don’t realise they’re just conforming to an adjacent ideology.

Using archetypes can speed up the first draft process, because we’re so used to seeing them in fiction and the “economy of thought” saves us from getting bogged down by details early on. But these exaggerated personality profiles are just that—profiles. And depending on the kind of story you’re telling, they may hinder your ability to write characters people can relate to.

Where this stuck out for me was when Celeste stood at the door to Eleanor’s quarters, deciding whether or not to knock. I realised then that it would be too easy to portray a “blameless protagonist”, free of vice and vitriol. But as nice as it would be to imagine anyone could be that good, it’s not very interesting to read about. And looking at what most people are like, it’s not realistic either. Even the best of us have flaws.

The truth of character emerges most strongly at critical points throughout a story, where the character needs to make a decision they can’t take back. But as inconsistent as people can be, one thing they do consistently is express the truth of who they are in any given moment. Well ahead of any scene (let’s say two or three scenes at least) where a character must make an important choice, make sure you express and explore the rationale that leads to the beliefs that drive that choice. Armed with a sense of your character’s personality and disposition, readers will appreciate that your character couldn’t help but make that critical decision because that’s just who they are.

This is why it was important to show Celeste talking about Eleanor as well as to her in earlier chapters. Celeste isn’t the stereotypical mild-mannered geek who’s open to being bullied, like the kind you see in teen movies. This isn’t that kind of story. Realistic Celeste is grown-up and strong-willed, and so not only does it make sense why she made that decision at the door, the truth of her character emerges as well to set up even more intense moments later in the book.

Of all the characters in “Kiss”, Martin was the easiest and most fun to write. I suppose it’s because he wasn’t a central character that I didn’t feel so precious about him. He started out as a bit of a himbo in the first draft, but in fixing other aspects of the story, the bits that made him more human (and less stereotypical) began to shine through. So when he got his two turning points in the second half of the book, they ended up being more than just a convenient way to bump my Plot A along.

2. Writing natural dialogue

Dialogue can make or break a book’s immersion factor. I’ve come across novels where the dialogue was too thinly veiled a way to insert an infodump. It dulls the story and turns the characters into talking cardboard cutouts. I’m embarrassed to say my original draft of this office romance committed that offence. In case your draft is struggling with this too, here’s my advice:

Workplace banter is easy if you’ve ever been mates with your colleagues. Pay attention to what’s said during small-talk, break room conversation, and end-of-day heart-to-hearts, and you’ll collect a whole series worth of great material that you can adapt to your own office romance stories, while still having it sound like stuff actual people would say.

Of course, it takes more than whizzy words to write good dialogue, so take note of the non-verbal stuff too, like tone of voice, facial expression and body language. And consider that people from different backgrounds and disciplines will borrow from other lexicons they’re familiar with. Sometimes they just can’t help it, even if they consciously edit themselves for the audience they’re speaking to. Every type of conversation has a special flavour that demonstrates the dynamic between characters and how they, individually and together, relate to the circumstances around them.

So, when re-written Owen mashes his hand into Celeste’s face, you can tell it’s because they’ve been friends long enough for that to be okay. When re-written Laks bosses everyone around in the function room, you know it’s different to when Eleanor does it. It’s evident in what she says, how she says it and, most importantly, how everyone else responds to it.

If you don’t have personal “banter” to inspire your dialogue in certain scenes, look for movies, TV shows and reality shows that match the genres, characters, setting, pacing or vibe of your story. In addition to my own workplace friendships, I referenced my friends, family and in-laws for specific social dynamics (such as Betina’s dynamic with Dave), and Fresh Meat for how a diverse cast of characters could bounce off each other in a story-driven setting.

3. Fixing the tone of voice

You can’t tell a happy story with a sad tone of voice. Well, you can, but it wouldn’t be the same story. If you’ve ever seen 10 Things I Hate About Commandments, you’ll know what I mean. Otherwise, there are so many more re-cut trailers that demonstrate how this works (or doesn’t work).

Even though “Kiss” was always intended to be a romantic comedy, the prose style was far too jolly and saccharine in its early stages. This meant that every negative encounter hit like a ton of bricks, even the mildly unpleasant ones. With the wrong tone, the manuscript lacked the internal cohesiveness it needed to emotionally connect with my readers.

What I learned from this was that I couldn’t just write a story. I had to re-set my mental state and emotions to be in the story. I’m certain there are better writers out there who can accomplish crisp, pitch-perfect prose at the drop of a hat. But well, the rest of us have to get by somehow…

For me, this means compiling a soundtrack. Not just “a writing playlist”, but a playlist specific to the story and its unique setting. Sometimes it can also mean turning the lights down, writing only at certain times of day, wearing certain clothes or fabrics, andfinding a writing totem. Every writer will have different sensory needs for getting into the zone of a particular story, if not getting into the zone of writing anything at all.

4. Not shying away from science

This was a dilemma. Over the years, I’ve found you can only include so much technical realism before your work becomes unbelievably boring or just plain unbelievable. (And when it comes to violent stories, there may be a “duty of care” involved too.) You know that scene in “Kiss” where Eleanor stares blankly at Celeste during a technical explanation? I’ve seen that look way too many times from non-technical people who asked a technical question but didn’t really want to know the answer.

So, let’s talk about when people want to know the answer. Some genres have it made in the shade. Contemporary romance? Skip the technical, no sweat. Haunted house horror? No one cares, just gimme the scares. Sci-fi romance, though, especially in the nerd-first space I wanted “Kiss” to occupy, I knew I’d be dealing with a lot of technical diversity in my readership.

The first version of “Kiss” had far less of the nerdy stuff. At the time, I was trying to emulate the contemporary stories I’d immersed myself in, ones with broader appeal that stuck with general language. Not to disparage contemporary romance at all, but for this specific sci-fi romance, it failed. And in light of a lifeless first draft, it became clear that what makes each romance novel special and unique is the characters.

It Starts With A Kiss is a story about two engineers who came together through their work on a futuristic space station. The technical stuff comes part and parcel with who they are and the choices they’d made leading up to the start of the book. It didn’t feel right to tread only half a step into the science, but I didn’t want to go as far as the Honor Harrington novels (because JFC 😳). Getting the balance right hinged on how big a role the technical stuff plays in the characters’ own views, and how much was worth showing to the reader.

So when Celeste rambles about outdated firmware and electromigration in old components—genuine concerns for software developers and electrical engineers—it’s because that’s what she sees when she looks at the world. As far as she’s concerned, this is the situation she’s dealing with, even if non-technical folk gloss over it or decide it’s nonsense because they don’t understand it. This is just who she is, and just who many of my sources of inspiration for her character are.

Personally, I love listening to my nerdy friends talk about deeply nerdy shit, even if it goes way over my head. I love to soak up their words and perspectives and come away from the conversation either exposed to a new concept or having a better appreciation for who they are as individuals. I’ve come across so many nerdy folk who don’t get much support in a “normie” world. So, giving the technical stuff a little more juice in the rewrite was my way of saying to all of them, hey, I see you and I think you’re great.

5. Building the wider universe

All of my stories are contained within their own worlds, but most of these worlds belong to a greater milieu with a timeline and events. “Kiss” is my third Alliance Worlds book, but actually the first book in the chronology of the universe…though this isn’t at all relevant to the story.

So how do you pull off large-scale worldbuilding in such a way that it’s enriched by existing lore while also contributing to the wider universe, when it has nothing to do with what your book is about? Turns out, you shouldn’t, really. Otherwise you end up with yet another infodump.

But you can drop hints.

For example, towards the end of “Kiss”, when Eleanor has her big spiel, I could have let her allude to other companies as an abstract concept. It does just as good a job at getting her harsh point across, if that’s all we needed to do. But in the final published version of the book, Elle names a specific company that’s tied to the wider universe. For my new readers, it’s flavour text, giving them a more specific taste of the Halcyon Aries world.

For readers familiar with my other work, it gives them a sense of place that exists beyond the covers of this book, making the experience of this story and all the other stories a little richer.

It Starts With A Kiss was tricky to write for all sorts of reasons, but these particular revisions ended up breathing life into a manuscript I was on the verge of giving up on. What’s especially satisfying is that so much of the positive feedback I’ve gotten for this story has been around these key areas.

Of course, I look back and wonder if I’d be capable of doing a better job of it with the gift of hindsight and these extra months’ worth of learning about storycraft. I’d like to hope so, but I’ve resigned to never finding out.

There are just too many other stories still to tell.

What I’ve been buying online

I stumbled upon a blog prompt recently, asking whether online shopping was better than going to a physical store. The answer for me is obvious—online wins hands down. And since lockdown started, I’ve thought a great deal about how N and I could digitise (and possibly automate) our regular shopping routine.

Fancy a rundown of what we’ve been buying?

Matcha green tea

My favourite right now is ITO EN Matcha Green Tea Bags, available at only a couple of shops in my city. I got a bit worried after a week of lockdown, as I’d reached the end of my teabag supply. But fortunately, ITO EN has an Australian distributor 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 which means affordable, accessible matcha as long as I can receive mail.

Fun fact, all tea—black, green, white—comes from the same plant, Camellia sinensis. The only difference is in the way they’re prepared. If a tea doesn’t come from that plant (eg. peppermint, lavender, chamomile), then strictly speaking, it’s not a tea—it’s a tisane or an infusion.

Matcha is a special type of green tea, finished off differently to other teas before harvest. And unlike with other green teas whose leaves get steeped in water, matcha tea leaves are ground into a fine powder. Which means you’re consuming the leaf matter when you drink it, taking in the brain-boosting amino acid theanine. (Though I’d be interested to know if those trace amounts actually make noticeable difference.)

A box of ITO EN Matcha Green Tea, two green tea sachets and a ceramic cup
This is not an ad. I just love it that much.


I signed up for Dollar Shave Club after seeing an ad on Instagram, curious if the reality was as good as it looked in the video. I was very skeptical at first. What if it was no better than the crap razors I was already buying? What if couldn’t use them quickly enough? What if trying to use them quickly was environmentally irresponsible?

Good thing it was cheap to have a go, otherwise I’d still be buying crap razors today. Now every month, I get an email to tell me my next box will ship on XYZ date, and I can add/remove stuff if I want, or postpone that shipment to the following month. I was surprised by the quality of the product, surprised by how much it ended up reducing my shave-related waste, and surprised how big an impact the convenience had on my mental state.

That last bit astonished me the most. I never thought taking razors off my shopping list would amount to much, but having one less thing to think about was significant. It’s such a small thing, but I guess you don’t notice the load you’re carrying until someone finally takes it off you.

Natural deodorant

Once upon a time, I would never have dreamed about buying deodorant online, cos don’t you need to smell it first to see if you like it? But N and I were getting fed up with our old stuff. There’s something about ordinary deo that makes it start out nice only to suddenly turn horrible. Then it all stops working or makes us smell worse than before. Maybe we’re low-grade allergic or something. Who knows!

A few Instagram ads later (again), I decided to try NATIVE. Their “no stink” claim was a tall order, but I promised myself I’d make an effort to try new things. So glad we have it a shit. This deo blew my expectations out of the water. It smells nice, feels nice, doesn’t stink, doesn’t linger after a shower, and doesn’t defile my laundry.

Their website lists Lactobacillus acidophilus as an ingredient. Yep, that’s the same bacteria found in yoghurt and in your mouth, gut and VAGINA. I’m guessing this good bacteria eats the bad bacteria whose poos make us stink. While I also never would have dreamed I’d do this, it doesn’t freak me out that I’m spreading MAGIC VAGINA GERMS onto my armpits. I also promised myself a few years ago that I’d try to work with my body’s biome instead of against it, and this seems like a perfectly scientific thing to do.


Back in the old days, N and I would take a cheap and cheerful, low-key trip out to the country. Perth is a small city and you don’t have to drive far to reach a country town with its own culture and collection of cottage industries. While we’re out there, we find the nearest local soap-maker and do a big purchase. That soap stash ends up being the countdown to our next quiet weekend away. It’s our way of supporting a small rural businesses while being mindful and proactive about our relationship.

Of course, this kind of thing is out the window when you have to stay at home. So we ordered a batch from our favourite skincare artisan down south. It feels good having a bundle of handmade soap in the cupboard. They smell amazing and while sometimes it’s sad to be reminded of something you can’t have, smell is just…so visceral. For a split second, I’m back there and the mood’s all all sleepy towns, beachy walks and blue skies. I’m grateful to have the memory. I’m grateful to be able to look forward to it once all this is over.


Our home is tiny. We have room for two small wardrobes and a compact clothes rack. So we’re minimal on clothes, thanks Marie Kondo.

There are certain clothes we’ve deemed essential: socks, undies, basics and sportswear. We wear the life out of them most of the time, so we don’t think twice about buying what we want when we want it. Even at our most gluttonous, we still seem to accumulate (and spend) less than friends with more space and bigger appetites for fashion.

It’s harder to support small businesses here, balancing for quality, fit, comfort, price and durability. We default instead to familiar brands like Uniqlo, Cotton On and MUJI. I don’t think we could automate these purchases either, because clothing is such a personal decision to be made on the spot, even if you’re not leaving the house.

Cat stuff

Last week, we set up regular orders of cat food and I think it’s gonna change our lives forever. Gone are last-minute Sunday “oh fucks” when we realise we’ve run out, followed by a mad dash to the supermarket at dinnertime rush hour, then coming home to a proper scolding from our hairy beasts because we’ve served them late.

And stress comes down to a chain of events, don’t they? First, it’s the “oh fuck”, then it’s the guy who almost runs you over as you’re walking to your car, then it’s the noise that greets you upon your return, and you don’t seem to be able to settle down for the rest of the night. And then it’s back to work on Monday.

Cat stuff plays a much bigger role in our lives than shaving gear. Having that looked after by an automated process and online controls should give us back the mental bandwidth for more satisfying things.

I do not miss the physical shopping experience

I’m very grateful to be living in a city and time where most things I could want are easy to get hold of. But I do not miss the sensory barrage that is the local shopping centre.

In my time, I’ve walked past police action, fist fights, screaming children, screaming adults, mysterious traces of blood on the floor, arctic temps, a larger-than-average human turd (yes, really!) in the car park, people who cough and sneeze without covering their faces, people who do cover their faces then proceed to touch common surfaces… Someone I know was even assaulted by a creepy random in a fancy supermarket in a fancy suburb. Luckily there was an eye witness and CCTV footage. She took the guy to court and got justice. But you know that for every one woman who gets justice, so many others do not.

Gosh, it sounds terrible to read that list back. Supermarkets are safe enough here most of the time, and worrying about this kind of thing is maybe a first-world privilege. But when given the choice of a practical, affordable and safer online option, you bet your sweet knickerbockers I’m taking it. Wouldn’t you?